I Chose Fear Over Joy

This holiday season was not what I had hoped for. The joy of having my immediate family over for Christmas quickly turned into fear when my son suddenly had a fever and began acting lethargic. His bright red cheeks are always a tell that he isn’t feeling well - a trait he’s had since he was a baby.

Sure enough, he had covid. I got scared and reacted from fear.

I went into mamma overdrive mode, worrying about how to help him get better and keep the rest of my family safe. I began taking frantic steps to try to control a situation I could not control.

As a person who typically has a high capacity for joy, one of my strengths, and subsequently my downfalls, is my innate ability to stay positive and quickly look to the bright side in most situations. In this situation I could choose to stay triggered and scared or quickly move into “It will all be ok!” mode.

What’s wrong with staying positive? 

While there is a lot of value in staying positive in stressful times, there is even more beauty and opportunity for growth if we welcome the full range of our feelings, even those that are scary and we may deem as unpleasant.

What I’ve learned over years of practice is that we can’t feel true joy unless we allow ourselves to feel its opposite.

As leaders, how we show up in our personal lives influences how we show up in our professional lives and vice versa. If we are willing to feel our feelings all the way through and allow our body to move the energy of our emotions, the process takes about 90 seconds. If we suppress our emotions the energy gets stuck in our bodies. This has a long-term impact on how we show up as leaders, how we influence those around us and the work that we do in this world.

I practiced feeling, naming, welcoming and releasing the fear, anger and sadness that was present many times over the past 2 weeks, having extra chances to practice after my daughter subsequently got covid. I learned a lot about myself in the process. 

As a result of this practice, I knew what true joy felt like this morning when she finally tested negative for covid, my whole house now being covid free.

In this new year, as you look to strengthen your capacity as a leader, I invite you to make feeling your feelings all the way through a part of your practice.  Check out this great video from The Conscious Leadership group on how to do this.  

If you’d like some support as you go about this practice, please reach out to me at nicole@leadwithbliss.com and we can discuss how one-on-one coaching can help you evolve as a leader in 2022. I look forward to connecting with you!